PDXCityMamas on FaceBook

Hello - We are moving our communications to the PDXCityMamas facebook group and the DEEP sponsored City website.

You can ask to join the group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/709074799189349/

We will be updating the DEEP page in the next couple of months.

Thanks!

PDXCityMamas

Bike Commuting with Kids

Bike Commuting with Kids

 

Tuesday, September 17th at 11:30-12:30

Conference Room 2500B on the second floor of the 1900 Building (1900 SW 4th Ave).

Have you ever dreamed of bike commuting to work, but decided not to because you thought it would be too difficult to do with your kids? Have you ever thought you might want to introduce your kids to an alternative mode of transportation? Do you dream of spending more time outside with your kids during the work/school week?

Join BPS and the PDXCityMamas for a conversation and slideshow about the logistics of bike commuting with kids.

Come listen and/or share tips about bike commuting with kids.

 

Questions?

Ingrid Fish, Bureau of Planning and Sustainability

ingrid.fish@portlandoregon.gov

phone: 503-823-4326

CityKids is having a SALE Friday, March 15

CityKids is having a SALE Friday, March 15

CityKids the not-for-profit child development center in the Portland Building is holding a Fundraising Sale on Friday March 15, 2013. Items for sale include clothes, shoes, toys, books, gear, maternity clothes, nursing items, kids baked goods, and more! All proceeds from the sale go to CityKids playground improvements and tuition assistance program. Please join us to get some great stuff for your kids! Cash, Cards, Checks Accepted.

When: Friday March 15; 8 am – 3 pm

Where: Portland Building – Second Floor – Room C

Questions? Please contact Valerie Morlan 503-823-6163 or citykidsjni@gmail.com

fitMamas Coming up!
Wed., April 17 
12:00 - 1:30
3rd Floor

Join us for a discussion regarding running, fitness, etc., for the busy working mama.

We will have a tour of the Portland Bldg facilities, a mama to talk about running at lunch (do you really need to shower?), logistics of working out at home and of just getting it done, a mama who uses the city facilities, plus online, books and other resources.

We will have special guest Jennifer Darling from Get Up and Move Fitness (
https://www.facebook.com/GetUpAndMoveFitness) who leads the city boot camps and will create a 30 minute at home boot camp just for us.

Come and share how you are/got to be/want to be a (more) fitmama.

More details to come.

Courtney, Lora and Darcy

Notes from Tracey Johnson's Talk

Tracey Johnson of Practical Parenting presented to the PDXCityMamas group in December (there were quite a few Dads in the audience too).

Although it is truly hard to capture Tracey's gracious tone and humor, here are copious notes from her talk:

Capture the teachable moments.

Getting frustrated is ineffective and doesn’t work.

Yelling doesn’t teach – it initiates the fight or flight instinct – neither of which will help your child learn.

Take the current moment to get it right this time – don’t wait for the same issue to repeat itself.

Power struggles – stir up emotional stuff

Give the problem back to them – have them sit with the consequences

Teach your kids to be problem solvers.

Parenting with Love and Logic – a fantastic approach

Attachment – Birth to 3 – Building a healthy connection that is safe and predictable

            #1 Attunement – Connecting – “we get each other”

            #2 Trust with limits – Everything is right in the moment

            #3 Trust of self – What are they mastering now? Be patient enough to let them learn

This biggest lessen for personal success is emotional self-regulation – do whatever it takes to not blow up at your kids

• Counting to 10
• Breathing
• Silly song
• Dancing
• Walk around the block

Being a parent is an amazing opportunity to evolve.

Parenting is a huge burden of responsibility – teachable moments are for both the child and parent.

We change the world one kid at a time.

Siblings

• First intimate relationship
• You’re stuck with them
• Teach them to be a team
• Being a sibling will give many teachable moments
• Manage conflict
• Take responsibility
• Call some out on their stuff and vice versa
• Empathy – biggest tools

Shoot for 80%

Example of a parent whose children came in while she was in the shower both wanting to use the bathroom. The daughter refused to get off the toilet and it ended with the boy peeing on the girl. What should she have done (from the shower)?

• How’s this working for you?
• Sounds like you have a problem
• I really need you to figure this out – I’m busy now

Solving your kids’ problems teaching them to come find you to help them out, and solve it for them.

Lessons may be painful, but not less painful than the current arguing

“I’ve used all my energy on your fighting – so we can’t go to the library or park, etc.”

Being consistent is the key

You need to tolerate some discomfort

Kids need coaching

Each time a kid pushes your button (or each other’s) it becomes a power struggle – cortisol shoots up and you can no longer deal with the problem effectively.

Again, you took all my energy – now you’ll need to loose some privileges – social and electronic are the two most coveted.

What if they are being physical?

·         Push pause button

·         Being unsafe

·         Is anyone hurt? – separate them

There is no logic when emotions are up.

Highly recommends the Whole Brained Child – Dad’s enjoy the read

Don’t get on the roller coaster with them.

Bring emotions down before talking with them.

Fighting

• Don’t be the judge
• Observe – well, that didn’t work out, now did it?
• I didn’t see it, so I can’t know what really happened

Wrestling is useful – to a point

• Teaches power control
• How to repair relationships
• Build social skills
• Ask – are you still having fun?
• Do you know someone might get hurt?

Body control

• Needs coaching
• You can’t force “I’m sorry”
• Check-in is required
• Actions speak louder than words
• Teach empathy
• They are still responsible, even if they didn’t mean it

Empathy disappears late at night – more emotional self-regulation is required

Set a limit once – no warnings afterward – choice of door open or closed

More grey area at night and tendency to buckle – stay firm and fake it until you make it

Short term pain for long term gain

Meet need not wants at night – if they can’t sleep in a room with a sibling, set up a mat on the floor in another room, but don’t make it too comfy

Start with bedtime responsibilities about age 3 ½ 

At bedtime use a time with a list of things they need to do. Be present, but not too helpful.

Everything should get done in less than 10 minutes – potty, teeth brushing, pajamas

Much rather have dirty kids than tired kids – potty is the only “must” – washing face/brushing teeth are optional – pajamas are optional when it comes down to it

Try to keep a routine, but if the routine is gone, just get them to bed.

Don’t be wildly empathetic or they’ll try again the next night and then expect that it’s the norm

You can’t reason with a 2 year old

Bet it takes 3 days of being firm to get your child to sleep without your “assistance”

If you’ve given two options, never give a third choice

It’s hard, be empathetic but firm

What if you can’t live with the consequences?

6 yo dwalder?

Mornings

            Give time markers – showing your progress and how close you are to leaving

            Check in – how are you doing on your list? I’m putting on my shoes

Not Antarctica – throw their clothes in a tote bag

Have them get dressed in the car or at school, if need be

Key to wrestling

You have to be emotionally regulated - Lost teachable moment and it’s abusive

Earplugs in your car for a “screamer” – keep yourself emotionally regulated

Kid’s alarm clock

Don’t ignore whining

            Check in with the need

            Use empathy

            Doesn’t meet need

6 yo screaming – calm down first (maybe both of you)

Your brain has two level - your upstairs and downstairs brain – downstairs is logical, upstairs is emotional.

You need to integrate your brain to be flexible and thoughtful

Empathy helps absorb emotion – practice reflective listening (wow, that sounds tough) – don’t try logic while kids are emotional

Calming down in their room is best – for adults “take a walk around the block”

Not a fan of traditional time-outs as punishment – it looses your teachable moment

Make it a break time – give them two choices about where to take the break – “you can either hang out in the comfy chair or go up to your bedroom”

Help meet their needs while they are upset:

            Do you need a hug?

            Do you want some water?

           

Acknowledge their emotions once they are starting to settle down, “Wow, you were really upset.”

Emotional breakdowns are an opportunity for attunement or personal connections

Teach how to express what bothers you in socially appropriate ways. “Spitting is for toothpaste or in the trash.”

Sometimes you need a detour to get back on track.

Name calling

            We say things that are true in our family

            Give alternative words

            Practice being mad – stomping

Teaching disappointment

            It’s so hard – empathize

            Role of a big sister…I remember when…

            He’s learning, just like you did

Teach intrinsic motivation – makes kids less vulnerable to other people’s jabs – inoculates them for their teenage years against anxiety and depression.

Ask – what do you think?

Self-confidence peaks at 9 years old…comes back at 40.

Self-confidence gives you power over yourself and provides emotional balance and stability. 

Instill it early and often.

What's for lunch?

Kiddo: snacky lunch - salami, cheese, crackers, broccoli, apple slices

Me: leftovers - baked (skinless) chicken legs, broccoli, mashed sweet potatoes, apple (not shown)

How was your lunch? /courtney

Donation Complete!

I dropped off a van full of used and new items to the Children's Relief Nursery on Friday. thank you!